last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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