He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
