Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
