just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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