she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
