even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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