You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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