apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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