i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
