I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
