Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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