So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
