Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
