Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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