I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
