I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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