I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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