Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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