So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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