Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
