the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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