I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
