Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
