after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
