I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
