so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
