I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so that wasnt chicken after all
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
