last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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