So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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