I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
