dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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