her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
