Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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