Is it normal to miss your booty call?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
