dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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