This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
