dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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