I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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