I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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