I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
