Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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