how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
