Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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