Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
