Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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