my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
