Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
