Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
