All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
