U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
