I'm so fucking centered right now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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