Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
