OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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