Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
